Valentine’s Day is a day for recognizing your partner or spouse, for all you share and bring to the relationship. Here are some recent conversations I’ve had with people in my practice about their sex lives, and I thought everyone could benefit from these discussions.
As we get older, it becomes more difficult to relax and “get in the mood". It’s hard to go from your daily, active, busy life, to wanting, or being ready, to be intimate with your spouse/partner.
The desire for sex is partly a reflection of how well you take care of yourself on a daily basis. Here are a few things that I think are important to be aware of in that area:
Make sure you are getting enough water and herb tea to keep the balance of energy in your cells and fluidity in your body.
2. Vitamins & Minerals
The overall health of your body affects your desire and receptivity for intimacy and sex. Make sure you are taking a pharmaceutical quality multi-vitamin and mineral to provide your body with the micronutrients she needs.
3. Intestinal Health
This is not a topic that’s widely discussed but it needs to be. If you’re not eliminating properly, the waste/toxins build up in your system and impact your energy, as well as your mood. It’s difficult to be receptive to intimacy if you’re not eliminating properly.
Exercise is about moving your body, but that doesn’t mean you have to become a marathon runner or weight lifter to do this. It could be as simple as taking the steps several times a day instead of the elevator, or walking in the neighborhood when the weather permits. I have several exercise videos that I use for exercise and can do this from the comfort of my home as my schedule allows.
5. Rejuvenate and Relaxation
This may be the most important of them all, as it relates to feeling sexy and being receptive, or initiating, intimacy. As we get older it become more difficult to “make the switch” from taking care of everything on your daily list, to feeling like you can take the time out from your daily schedule, even on the weekends, to spend a few hours with your partner in pleasure mode. I’m sure you’ve heard this before--take a bubble bath turn off your phone, if you have children, make arrangements for them to be out of the house for a few hours to give you some space, light some candles, have a relaxing drink of herb tea or wine and spend a few minutes in meditation as a way to prepare yourself for lovemaking.
6. Change your expectations
Intimacy in your 40s and 50s (and 60s) is much different than it was in your 20s and 30s. It can take longer, things don’t always “work as planned”. This is normal. Please, talk openly about this with your partner as sex is primarily about communication and sharing. There’s a great deal of research that has shown that intimacy in couples impacts their relationship in other ways, in feelings of more satisfaction with your partner and happiness in the relationship.
Wishing everyone a day of celebration in acknowledging how important their spouse/partner is to them!